Corresponding Angles

straying.

hellacalifornia — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 03:50:00 +0000

just finished a beer. decided for a minute if i was gonna do klono. i played with the idea of letting it dissolve under my tongue, but decided the buzz was good enough for right now. my week has been hell. i feel like i don’t know anything. i feel like i keep calling the office for advice and can’t commit to my own field decisions. this is how it has been for the past week. work in, work out, come home, see web shit and knock out. im not entirely sure what i want is where im getting at. am i bored with life and my job alraedy? im at that stage where i need something more substantial in my life. i don’t necessarily mean a girlfriend either.

i can say for sure that this past weekend i had fun. i was surrounded by good friends, some meds, alcohol and ribs. i want that kind of fun again in any combination. it was care free, no drama, just pure unadulterated fun. i don’t know what i want during the week. i need something more, something to keep me occupied. something fun. i feel like im wandering around aimlessly during the week and need some guidance. almost like a chicken with its head lopped off, except not as frantic. i’ve probably hit the wall, i’ve already admitted to being a “lifer” at my current career and company but im afraid of what?

when i was going to college i was dreaming up some traveling and making new technologies. now i get to travel in a sandbox and inspect other people’s work. it’s not really what i wanted to do, and some days i do regret where i’m at. most days i’m happy to be in the organization im in.

thinking back i think i know what im missing. a goal. plain and simple. with my ex, the goal was always something related to her. get married to her. finish college to get a job to get monies to eventually lead to marriage. now i’m sort of lost, since i have now separated with my ex. i sort of regret telling her that i would/could see getting back with her down the line, because i know now i would just be annoyed. who would have thought this would be so fucking difficult.

i seem to think people don’t understand me. i tend to believe only 1 person does and that’s my best friend, who happens to be a girl. some of you may be thinking well your SO should be your best friend. some people have suggested that, but you see people do not understand the type of relationship we have. in our past lives we have probably known each other. it’s kind of complicated but not in the romantic way. only in the every bit way that people have a hard time grasping. i think if we were to romantically link to each other, we would lose that openness. we could be naked around each other (figuratively). and if we crossed that line, we would be self conscious. just like when adam and eve ate the apple in the garden and committed the original sin. we would lose that candid, relaxing feeling around each other. yeah i have thought about it since all my friends keep egging me on to do it, but she is the ying to my yang but not in that romantic sort of way.

that is my current life in a nutshell. i bike to work, i work, i talk to my best friend during the day, i get frustrated at work, i bike home, i beer, i sleep. pretty mum if i’d say so myself. weekends are a bit different. that’s another story for another rant. maybe another day or month.

carpal tunnel.

hellacalifornia — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 07:08:59 +0000

my carpal tunnel is getting worse. i have it in my right wrist from using the mouse all wrong for so many years. its to the point where i try not to use my right wrist to use the computer at home, solely for the office. it’s probably not as bad as others, but it’s painful to a fairly high degree. i try to stretch it out (like that’s gonna help) and do all these wrist movement exercises e.g. rotates wrist in small circles, or moving it along different planes. as i rotate my wrist i can feel the ligament slipping off my wrist bone and creating a slight “pop” sound. my right wrist also looks a little beefier than the left, probably due to the extra scar tissue.

perhaps i’ve set myself up for masturbation jokes, but if you truly believe the wrist could be affected, you have not masturbated. or you have a very small penis. the degree of movement if you have a penis larger than an inch would have to keep the wrist stationary. if anything, i should be getting tennis elbow or a sore shoulder. well i do suppose there are different techniques to this. if anything, my forearm gets sore if i take too long and so do my toes. i make my own toes curl.

i’ve been living with carpal tunnel for a while. at least some mild form of it since high school (im 29 now). my sex life would be affected. there would be occasions where my hand would get tired from slipping the finger to a girl. granted i haven’t fingered a woman in a while, i mean what’s the point really? but moving your finger in and out of there for extended periods of time, yeah i think that’s what did me in. especially when the girl of the moment wouldn’t take off her pants and all you had to work with was about 1/2 inch of play in denim fabric.

warning.

hellacalifornia — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 20:23:56 +0000

They warned me about her. I thought I knew best. They told me she was bad news, an arsonist even. At the time, I didn’t know what they meant, or rather walked blindly. But in the end, I learned she burned men mercilessly.

sleep.

hellacalifornia — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 10:41:03 +0000

I love sleep more than oxygen. I really do. I can sleep the entire day, call it a day, and still be content.
These past few months I’ve been getting less sleep. Initially it was due to work. In a span of a few days I was given a huge construction project to look after, as the on-site engineer to represent my company. Then I never thought it would be possible for myself, I began to lose sleep due to the new pressure and stress.
I gave up just laying in bed, my efforts to close my eyes and pass out were worthless. In the mean time I began to read, write blog drafts or see what I missed on the internet for that day. I was slowly weaning myself off sleep.
Now with the project winding down and most of the major construction complete, it’s not the stress keeping me up anymore. I’m starting to feel myself getting older (year shy of 30) and not wanting to miss out on life. My latest pleasure has been in the form of insomniac bike rides that take place from 11pm to about 2am. Its just like being a kid again, except my boundaries are no longer my neighborhood block, but entire cities.

posting.

hellacalifornia — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 11:55:39 +0000

There we stood, on the street corner of a busy intersection, smoking our cigarettes. Our bellies were full from bread, pizza and buffalo wings. We were observing traffic and heard a loud metallic clank as something had fallen off a passing tow truck. We couldn’t tell what it was but we estimated it to be the size of a large tool box, made of solid metal.
So we stood there and hoped. We were hoping to see oncoming cars run it over. I wanted to see some damage.
When a truck nudged it, it seemed to be to close to the curb for anyone to hit it. I suggested we move it but being at an intersection there wouldve been too many witnesses. However we stood there, smoked 3 cigarettes and “shot the shit” (past tense of “shoot the shit?”) until 3 cars ran over it. No damage.
Then from a distance, a speeding volvo wagon was quickly approaching the hazard. My smile must have grown as the gap was shortening. No hit, I was let down. And then we realized, as grown men almost in their thirties, we were acting like 12 year olds.

motivation.

hellacalifornia — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 04:49:14 +0000

this has been my third attempt at a serious blog. my first blog was on xanga, i really wasn’t sure what my intent of my blog was other than to keep people/readers informed on the “happenings” of my life. my second blog was on blogspot, which i used to vent my feelings as i had broken up with my ex-gf at that time.

so now this is my third attempt, i read an article last week and sort of got inspired by how genuine the writer came off as. i would aspire to be a good writer at the very least. i’ve been feeling stagnant at my current job position as an engineer in the public sector, i’ve noticed my writing ability almost taper off. considering how this is a new blog and my identity is pretty much anonymous, it also allows me free will to say whatever i want. i’ll try not to hold back, i’ll try not to come off as an arrogant dickhead. however, i’m going to be brutally honest and will not pull any punches. it’ll be open season, happy hunting.